Every marriage has seasons when the pressure builds. Bills stack up, work runs long, kids need more than we have to give, and the holidays are coming. In those seasons, it’s easy to start treating each other like the problem.
We’ve been there. Our own story has included deployments, long separations, and hard conversations at kitchen tables late at night. What we learned is simple, but it isn’t easy: the pressure is the problem. Your spouse is not.
Here are three things that have helped us stay on the same side.
1. Name it before it names you.
When tension rises, say out loud what’s really going on. “I’m worn out and short on patience tonight” is a gift to your spouse. It turns a fight waiting to happen into a moment of understanding.
2. Slow the conversation down.
Pressure makes us talk fast and listen less. Try this: before you answer, repeat back what you heard. “So you’re feeling like you’re carrying this alone?” Feeling heard calms a hard conversation faster than any argument you can win.
3. Pray together, even briefly.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
You don’t need the right words. Two minutes, hand in hand, reminds you both who you belong to and that you’re facing this together.
A word for this season
If your marriage feels stretched thin right now, you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. Pressure shows us where we need to lean in, toward each other and toward God.
Mike and Wendy
One Couple Under God
